i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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