I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
