she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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