i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
