I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire