Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?