I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
