my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
