i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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