i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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