Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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