The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
