She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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