I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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