Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize