They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
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Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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