they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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