i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA