I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
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His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
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He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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