i need an iv and a liver transplant
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
