So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize