did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
