the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
then he tried to convert me to islam
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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