What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They took my balls.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize