I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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