the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
