i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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