I'm lost and stupid without you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car