If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
