3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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