I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
