K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
