he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
