First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
