Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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