I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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