sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
