we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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