just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
