mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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