First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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