I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
