well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
