Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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