That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
