We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
