ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Never joke about your clitoris.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
