my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
