I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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