So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
did i just pee glitter
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
