he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
