can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
