Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
