I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
