Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
