She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
