you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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