Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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