i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
