Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
