She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
