I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
