How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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