He asked to "fluff my boner.."
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm passing your future prison.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
