Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
