My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Are we still banned from the library?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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