It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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