im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
