She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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