hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
