I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
