Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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