my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
