If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
