All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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